Armin Wiebe's Wiebe Site

Armin Wiebe's Plays

A PLAY BY ARMIN WIEBE

TIME                              Present

PLACE                           Oata's farm, behind the barn

SET                                A bare stage, lit to suggest twilight. A water
                                       well with a long-handled hand pump and trough
                                       if available. Necessary actions could be mimed.

ACTION                        The action occurs during one summer evening just before dark.

CHARACTERS

YASCH Siemens             A farmer in his early twenties.

SADIE Peters                  A skinny pregnant teenaged woman.

OATA Needarp               Yasch's abundant fiancee, early twenties.

                                        YASCH DISCOVERED ON

                                                                     YASCH is pumping water into the
                                                                      trough.

OATA (OFFSTAGE DISTANT) Yasch! Supper's ready!

                                                                       YASCH stops pumping, and as he
                                                                       looks over his shoulder toward the
                                                                       voice pulls a handkerchief from his
                                                                       pocket and wipes his brow. A baseball
                                                                       glove is flung from offstage and slams
                                                                       into YASCH'S neck.

YASCH (SPINNING AROUND) What the dukkat?

                                      ENTER SADIE

                                                                       SADIE is wearing a catcher's mitt and
                                                                       holding a baseball.

SADIE                            Think fast!

                                                                       SADIE hurls the ball at YASCH.
                                                                       YASCH catches it in his bare hands.

YASCH                          Sadie!

                                                                       YASCH looks furtively over his shoulder,
                                                                       then looks back at SADIE.

YASCH                         What you doing here?

SADIE                           Happy to see me, Yasch?

                                                                       YASCH checks over his shoulder again.
                                                                       SADIE steps closer to YASCH.

YASCH                         Well, sure but...

                                                                       YASCH takes a step backwards as
                                                                       SADIE steps forward. SADIE bends
                                                                       awkwardly to pick up the baseball glove.

SADIE                            Here, take the glove.

YASCH                         No, it's yours now. I gave it to you, remember?

SADIE                           Scared Oata will see us?

                                                                       SADIE reaches out to caress YASCH's
                                                                       cheek with his glove.

                                       Huh Yasch?

YASCH                          For sure not, but what will Pug think?

SADIE                            He doesn't have to know everything, you know. Besides he went
                                       out with Hingst.

YASCH                          He went out with Hingst Heinrichs? Even now when he's married
                                       himself with you?

SADIE                            What you think married people just have to be together all the time?

YASCH                          But you only got married last month.

SADIE                            Yeah, and you didn't come even to the wedding. I thought for sure
                                        you would want at least to kiss the bride.

                                                                       SADIE turns away pretending to pout.

YASCH                         I was busy. Some farmers can't afford to take Saturday off.

                                                                       YASCH tosses the baseball at SADIE and
                                                                       reaches for the pump handle. SADIE catches
                                                                       the ball awkwardly between her catcher's mitt
                                                                       and Yasch's glove.

SADIE                           I bet Oata wouldn't let you go.

                                                                        YASCH checks over his shoulder.

YASCH                         Oata wanted to go to your wedding, but the farm comes first. Besides,
                                      I gave you the glove for a wedding present already.

SADIE                           Some present for a blushing bride. Didn't even have a white ribbon on it.

                                                                        SADIE tosses the glove at YASCH before
                                                                        he can resume pumping. YASCH catches the
                                                                        glove and automatically slips in his hand. SADIE
                                                                        throws the ball at him.

SADIE                            Pitch to me, Yasch Siemens.

                                                                         SADIE backs up to the side of the stage and
                                                                         crouches in a catcher's position.

SADIE                            Pitch to me like you used to when you worked for my dad.

YASCH                         Well maybe a few easy ones.

                                                                       YASCH tosses a gentle underhand pitch which
                                                                       falls short and SADIE almost loses her balance
                                                                       as she reaches for it. SADIE fires the ball back
                                                                       so it smacks the leather of Yasch's glove.

SADIE                             C'mon Yasch, I'm married, not crippled. Pitch to me!

YASCH                            But what about the baby?

SADIE (LAUGHING)      I'm not that pregnant.

                                                                       SADIE stands sideways to show YASCH her
                                                                       profile.

                                         See? I'm hardly showing at all. Pitch to me!

YASCH                            Okay, but...

                                                                        YASCH throws a stronger pitch.

SADIE                              Yeah, that's the stuff! Pug won't play with me and his mama just
                                         wants me to sit around and knit booties.
 
                                                                       YASCH throws another pitch.

                                          Oh yeah, fire 'em in hard just like you used to.

                                                                       SADIE fires the ball back.

                                           How about a windmill? Can you still throw a windmill?

YASCH                             Well for sure. You think I'm gone dead or something?

SADIE                               I couldn't say for sure. Now that you're with Oata engaged you
                                          don't do nothing anymore. How come you quit the ball team,
                                          anyways?

YASCH                              Watch this!

                                                                        YASCH winds up a powerful underhanded
                                                                        windmill pitch but interrupts his delivery so
                                                                        that the ball arcs in a slow sucker ball neatly
                                                                        into SADIE'S glove.

SADIE                                You didn't answer my question!

                                                                        SADIE throws back the ball hard, a little high
                                                                        and wide so YASCH has to jump for it.

YASCH                              Sure, I did. Didn't you notice that windmill upshoot drop?

                                                                       YASCH throws another windmill, hard and
                                                                       straight this time.

SADIE                                That wasn't the question.

                                                                        SADIE catches the ball and instead of tossing
                                                                        it back to YASCH, tosses it up in the air and
                                                                        catches it in her own glove.

                                           How come you quit the ball team? Oata won't let her little boy play?

YASCH                              Oata's got nothing to do with it. Besides it kammers you nothing if I
                                           play baseball or not. Baseball is just a game anyways and a farmer--

SADIE                                Scared the guys will tease you about engaging yourself with Oata?
                                           Is that how come you quit the team, Yasch? Scared what the guys
                                           will say?

                                                                       SADIE tosses the ball back to YASCH.
                                                                       YASCH tosses the ball up in the air catches
                                                                       it, tosses it back up again before he replies.

YASCH                                Does it bother Pug when the guys tease him about the ten gauge
                                             pump action wedding?

                                                                       YASCH pitches a hard windmill at SADIE.
                                                                       SADIE catches it.

SADIE                                 That's old news, Yasch, that's old news.

                                                                        SADIE pulls off her catcher's mitt to shake
                                                                        her stinging hand.

                                            Did it bother you when the guys teased Pug?

YASCH                               Why should it bother me what that Pug Peters does? He can't
                                            even catch a flyball if you hit it right into his glove. If he had
                                            played baseball instead of ...

                                                                       YASCH stops, looks around for the ball.

                                            Hey, throw me the ball back.

                                                                        SADIE puts her catcher's mitt back on
                                                                        and throws the ball.

 SADIE                                Played baseball instead of what?

 YASCH                              Forget it. Here comes a curve.

                                                                       YASCH fires a pitch. SADIE snags it
                                                                       with ease.

SADIE                                 Played baseball instead of what?

YASCH                               Forget it.

SADIE                                 No! I won't forget it. You're talking about my husband!

YASCH                               That's right, Mrs. Peters, you have a husband, so how come
                                            you're here playing catch with me?

SADIE                                 I told you. Pug is out with Hingst Heinrichs.

YASCH                               So what kind of husband goes out with another man?

SADIE                                 What kind of fiance stays pinned to Oata's apron all the time
                                            so she can't take even a breath without smelling him?

                                                                        SADIE fires the ball back at YASCH.

YASCH                                Some men wash themselves.

SADIE                                 Are you saying my husband stinks?

YASCH                               Mrs. Peters, some husbands are smart enough to marry themselves
                                            wives they like to be with.

                                                                       YASCH winds up a powerful windmill
                                                                        pitch but then tries to temper his
                                                                       delivery causing a wild throw which
                                                                        misses SADIE and rolls offstage.

SADIE                                 What's loose with you? Can't control the ball no more?

                                            SADIE CHASES THE BALL OFFSTAGE.

OATA (OFFSTAGE DISTANT) Yasch! Supper's ready!

                                                                        YASCH looks over his shoulder.

YASCH                              Coming!

                                                                         The baseball arcs from offstage
                                                                         and Yasch turns around just in
                                                                         time to catch the ball.

                                            SADIE REENTERS.

SADIE                                 Did you say something?

YASCH                               Uh, no.

                                                                       YASCH pitches the ball gently as
                                                                       if he was pitching to a little kid.
                                                                       SADIE catches the ball mechanically
                                                                      as if thinking about something else.

SADIE                                Yasch?

YASCH                              Huh?

SADIE                                Are you saying that Pug doesn't like to be with me?

YASCH                              Well, I didn't really mean...

SADIE                                But you think Pug should be with me instead of driving around 
                                           with Hingst Heinrichs?

YASCH                              Well, for sure if I was...

OATA (OFFSTAGE CLOSER) Yasch! Supper's ready!

YASCH (CALLS OVER HIS SHOULDER) Coming!

SADIE                                If you were what?

YASCH                              Forget it, I have to fill this trough before supper.

                                                                       YASCH drops the glove, reaches
                                                                       for the pump handle and begins
                                                                       pumping.

SADIE                                Tell me, if you were what?

                                                                        SADIE tosses the ball at YASCH.
                                                                        The ball bounces off YASCH and
                                                                        drops into the trough. SADIE steps
                                                                        closer to YASCH.

                                            If you were what?

OATA (OFFSTAGE QUITE NEAR) Yasch! Supper's getting cold!

YASCH                               I have to go now!

SADIE                                 Tell me!

YASCH                               Okay, already! If I was married with you I would want rather
                                            to be with you than with Hingst Heinrichs! But...

OATA (OFFSTAGE VERY NEAR) Yasch! Where are you anyways?

SADIE                                 But what?

YASCH                               But that's not the way the ball bounces!

                                                                       YASCH picks the wet ball out of the
                                                                       trough and tosses it to SADIE. SADIE
                                                                       catches it reflexively.

                                            OATA ENTERS

OATA                                 Yasch, supper's... oh, I didn't know we had visitors.

YASCH                               Yeah, well...

SADIE                                 I just came to get the baseball back. Pug and me were batting
                                             flies and I knacked the ball so far Pug made me get it myself.

                                                                        SADIE holds up the ball.

OATA                                 How come that ball is so wet?

YASCH/SADIE (TOGETHER) It fell in the trough!

OATA                                 Huy yuy yuy! All the way from Peters's place!

SADIE                                 Well, some people know how to play ball and some don't.

YASCH                               Ha!

OATA                                 You want to come in for some coffee?

SADIE                                 Nah. I'm going home to make that Pug pitch to me some more.

                                                                       SADIE picks up YASCH's glove
                                                                       and hands it to him.

                                            Shouldn't leave this lying around. It might rain.

                                                                       YASCH and SADIE linger for
                                                                        just a moment as YASCH accepts
                                                                        the glove from SADIE.

                                            SADIE WALKS OFFSTAGE

OATA (CALLING AFTER SADIE) So long, Sadie. Bring your man along for faspa
                                            some time.

                                                                        OATA turns to YASCH who is
                                                                        standing with the baseball glove
                                                                        staring after SADIE.

                                             Now that you have your glove back, you and me can play
                                             catch.

                                                                       OATA backs up to the spot where
                                                                       SADIE was playing catcher.

YASCH                              Sure, only Sadie took the ball along.

OATA                               Yasch, Yasch, can you only see things from one side of
                                           your nose?

                                                                        OATA pulls a baseball out of her
                                                                        pocket and tosses it at YASCH.

YASCH                               Where did you get this?

OATA                                 I stole it from your truck when you were hired man for my
                                            father, Nobah Naze.

YASCH                               Well then, I guess it's play ball.

                                                                       YASCH starts to wind up a windmill.

OATA                                 Uh, no, Yasch, you have the glove!

                                                                       YASCH stops his wind up and stares
                                                                       at OATA's bare hands.

                                            Remember in school, Yasch? The pitcher was the last one on
                                            the field to get a glove. So I'll pitch to you, Yasch Siemens!

                                                                        YASCH tosses the ball gently to
                                                                        OATA and assumes a back catcher
                                                                        stance. OATA winds up a windmill
                                                                        and blisters the ball into YASCH's
                                                                        waiting glove.

YASCH                              Ouch! Where'd you learn to pitch like that?

OATA                                What's the matter? You think only skinny Sadie can play
                                            baseball?
 
YASCH                              Well, for sure not, but...

OATA                                 Throw me the ball back.

                                                                       YASCH tosses the ball back and
                                                                       slips his glove back on.

                                           I'll pitch to you, Yasch Siemens!

                                                                       OATA fires another windmill into
                                                                       YASCH's glove. YASCH grimaces,
                                                                       but conscious of OATA's bare hands
                                                                       tosses the ball back gently.

                                I need a glove for myself. Then you could throw the ball
                                harder.

OATA                                 And a bat. How can we get married without a baseball bat?

                                                                        OATA fires another windmill into
                                                                        YASCH's waiting glove.

                                            BLACKOUT

Pitch to Me, Yasch Siemens was performed  at Prairie Theatre Exchange's Colin Jackson Theatre as part of Manitoba Association of Playwrights' Short Shot series in March 1995. For performance permission please contact Armin Wiebe at : e-mail:armwiebe@escape.ca